New Leaves

The times they are a-changing.

I am finally finally finally illness free, and likely purged of all remnants of Western medicine. I have resumed my previous yogic activities, gone back to work (which is nearly finished), worked on an extra credit assignment (is it extra credit if it's mandatory? It isn 't being graded...) into which I've inserted a number of appendicies. I've made plans to leave town, to visit my family with my Chosen, to visit his family, to start creating a wedding dress. I've booked plane tickets to Venice and back, have yet to book hotels. Still working on finding the time to return to that magical fairy land to complete our birch wood candle holders.

I'm settling in. I'm celebrating. I'm supporting and supported. I'm loving and being loved. I'm discovering, I'm leaving, I'm returning. I'm turning over new leaves and leaving old leaves behind, but neither crushing them to dust nor burning them in a pile.

I'm drinking coffee and eating artisan bread with honey. Cherries are still in season, plums are making their appearance. I anticipate peaches very soon. The balcony basil has grown into shrubbery. The butterfly bush is a giant who has not yet bloomed (it has been chilly). I'm surrounded by huge, beautiful, fragrant leaves.

I want to touch them all.

All my friends are Super

Throughout the duration of the illness (which is almost over) my friends have been buttresses of support. I have had a great number of phone calls and emails making sure I have everything I need (Jim has been on top of just about everything from movies to dairy-free soup, to tea), ensuring I'm not dying of loneliness and checking to make sure I'm takiing medication and naps as required. Things seem to be improving (slowly), and I may be able to force myself to go to work tomorrow afternoon (but I promise not to if things aren't significantly better). I've spent the past four days lying in bed, half passed out, unable to concentrate on anything; maybe working will take my mind off of how much swallowing actually hurts.

Around 4 Tuesday I had a call from the front door claiming delivery for me. I was confused as I haven't been online shopping lately (at least I don't think so; it is sort of hazy around the edges). I let him in and asked him to come up cuz as IF I'm getting out of bed and going down the stairs. A nice man showed up at my door with a flower delivery from my cousin. She had called earlier in the day to collect my address claiming to be updating her book (nice ruse! I use that one too) and in the process sent me a bright orange torch flower. I have wanted one of these for some time (I'm thinking of making it one of my wedding flowers) and it's perfect. It sits at me bedside, cheering me up every time I reach for tea or throat spray.

I have the very best friends in the universe.

Falling back with no fear

I have been practicing Bikram yoga near-daily for the past two and a half weeks, and already I can see a major difference in myself in all aspects.

Bikram yoga is a highly specific type of yoga practiced in a hot room (37-42 degrees C). It is comprised of 26 postures and two breathing exercises, fashioned to work every single inch of your body inside and out. Each posture corresponds to various muscles, tissues, and even internal organs to stimulate, ring out, and detoxify each of these targets. The room is hot to allow the blood vessels to be as open as is safe, and to promote sweating to eliminate unnecessary accumulations through the skin.

My first Bikram experience came quite a few years ago, but I had neither the time nor resources to fully commit to it. I've been in and out of it since then, but mostly out. Recently, with school being finished and work having not yet started (until last week), I found I had time to do the "intro week" at the studio I am currently infatuated with. Going daily was difficult, but also wildly fun. For the second week, I recruited some friends to keep myself motivated. So far I've only missed two Sundays (as days of rest, but also days of rehearsal) and one Saturday because I was working. Today I went after two days of being off and definitely felt the difference.

After my third class (two weeks ago) I felt very different. My waist felt smaller, my butt felt tighter, my brain felt more relaxed, and I felt more spiritually connected to everything. This continued up until about this Sunday. Last Sunday I had a great rehearsal with my partner (mentioned in previous postings). This Sunday, after spending 32hrs at work and sleeping for only about 5hrs, working with children who are lost, lonely, scared, homesick, and pushing themselves so very hard, I was exhausted. I was terrible. So terrible in fact that my partner ended up with some injuries (shoulder muscle and a fat lip when I accidently elbowed him in the face... gracefully). I felt heavy, lost, scared, lonely, and sad. Twice I had to excuse myself to cry (seriously, I never used to cry this much; ask anyone).

I think the yoga is opening up a lot of things mentally, emotionally, and physically. Spending time away from it is necessary for healing, but it appears that two days is too exhausting. I went this morning and felt very different than I did on Friday (although I had been working through a sartorius injury for both classes). I got through it and felt good by the end. I will be better tomorrow.

Toward the start of each class there is a backbend. It is challenging not because one must have a strong core to protect the back, but because the feeling of falling backward is so uncomfortable. I have a rather flexible spine and great capacity for back bending, but the notion of falling on my head scares me and so I resist. One instuctor always prefaces this back bend with "looking back; no fear; begin bending."

Here I am, looking back, falling back, reaching back, with no fear.