Today

Missing summer days so hot the grass could combust at my feet. The smell of the sun strong through the trees and dirt. The grass was often brown before noon. Lazing about in the clearing under the trees in fatigues and coloured sunglasses waiting for life to restart. Some of my most beautiful moments involve army boots and prickly dead grass. I never tired of olive v-necked t-shirts and pants too large to remain above my hip bones. Even belts couldn't contain them.
I was a goddess then.
Standing on a concrete corner in the blazing sun. My bright turquoise dress and matching jewelry wilting and thanking the universe for sunscreen. Only affected by the blazing sun on the asphalt I'm wishing so hard is grass.

The past few days I've drank only from Martini glasses to maintain a feeling of intoxication. I'm not sure what it is about the martini glass; the status symbol, the shape, the fact that it disperses the bubbles of a cola drink so they don't go up my nose. The fact is I simply feel better when I have one in my hand.
Life has been making its rounds through here. Trying desperately to appreciate Now and think less about then and yet. I still can't help some of the trepidation I feel towards quitting some of my jobs, going to school, missing half a rehearsal for the company. I sometimes let the little things bother me. It seems wrong to stress about a lack of Zen. It's just as "wrong" to invalidate the feelings of stress, which brings me full circle to where I started, and none the wiser for making the tour.
How to push forward and create a spiral instead of a circle. It's okay to look back if there is a lesson learned or something to be corrected. Chasing tails never got the dog anywhere, but he always looked so happy doing it. I often wish I didn't have tail. It gnaws my guts, haunts my dreams, causes me to cry out for sodalite.
I will make my world of a blue sodalite stone in the shape of a martini glass and know what happiness is.