There`s a Place in the Sun
My dance partner is phenomenal. Everything he does is stunning. His technique is tight, his movements are exquisite, his choreographic ideas sometimes blow my mind. He is there for me 150%, has never dropped me or even let me fall. He walks me through the stuff I`ve never done, paints kinesiological pictures, explains the physics behind how it will actually work despite my misgivings and is never wrong. He has limitless patience with my weaknesses and carries the extra without complaint.
Yesterday after working with him for hours and being the biggest disappoinment since `Star Wars: Attack of the Clones` I bid goodbye to the cast, walked a few hundred meters, sat under a tree and cried.
I know that I am abominably frustrating. I don`t possess the strength needed to complete many of the movements. I`m uncomfortable with being manipulated, so much so that I anticipate what`s coming and seem to refuse direction. I trust he won`t let me fall; I don`t trust that I won`t fall anyway of my own volition. I am a stubbron soloist. I resist being led, I lock my joints, I refuse to flow with the motions and use him as a support out of a desire to be in control of myself. I haven`t let go. Nothing makes me feel worse than failing someone else.
I realize that I have only recently begun the journey back into full time dancing. I have been really focussed on school and patients and have been greatly rewarded for this (with awesome grades, awesome results, and awesome patients). I understand that these things take time; and I hate it. I want to be perfect, be the best at everything all the time. I am (arrogantly) self-aware enough to know that this is riduculous. However I am also simply arrogant enough to not care; I want to be perfect, and I want to be perfect right now.
Retention is the birthplace of injury (and cellulite for that matter). Letting go takes as much strength has hanging on and pushing through. If there`s hope for everyone, then there must be a little for me, too.
Pushing through...
Yesterday after working with him for hours and being the biggest disappoinment since `Star Wars: Attack of the Clones` I bid goodbye to the cast, walked a few hundred meters, sat under a tree and cried.
I know that I am abominably frustrating. I don`t possess the strength needed to complete many of the movements. I`m uncomfortable with being manipulated, so much so that I anticipate what`s coming and seem to refuse direction. I trust he won`t let me fall; I don`t trust that I won`t fall anyway of my own volition. I am a stubbron soloist. I resist being led, I lock my joints, I refuse to flow with the motions and use him as a support out of a desire to be in control of myself. I haven`t let go. Nothing makes me feel worse than failing someone else.
I realize that I have only recently begun the journey back into full time dancing. I have been really focussed on school and patients and have been greatly rewarded for this (with awesome grades, awesome results, and awesome patients). I understand that these things take time; and I hate it. I want to be perfect, be the best at everything all the time. I am (arrogantly) self-aware enough to know that this is riduculous. However I am also simply arrogant enough to not care; I want to be perfect, and I want to be perfect right now.
Retention is the birthplace of injury (and cellulite for that matter). Letting go takes as much strength has hanging on and pushing through. If there`s hope for everyone, then there must be a little for me, too.
Pushing through...
posted by Em at
6:34 AM
1 Comments:
You have an awful lot on your plate right now..school, patients, wedding plans... and you're doing a fantastic job with those tasks. Dancing "perfection" will come in time. Be pleased with all you've accomplished thus far!
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