Obliging Introduction

Or simply: Seventy Useless facts about moi!

1. My full name, as it appears on legal documents, is Emily Jane McDowall. I have a christian name (Rose) that I adopted as an unofficial hyphenated middle name.
2. My mother wanted to name me Emily Rose. My grandmother would not allow it because it sounded too dramatic and princessy and I'd just grow up to be a drama queen. Guess that plan didnt work out, eh?
3. I was almost named Margery Ellen. Jim's grandmother was very excited about this. My mom was afraid i'd be called 'margarine' and henceforth 'butter'. My dad wanted to name me Elizabeth. My mother steadfastly refused. Elizabeth was my father's last serious girlfriend before my mother. That's where I get it.
4. My family name is derived from the MacDougall clan line. My grandfather is pretty sure we descended from peasant stock and earned our last name through good service to the MacDougalls, possibly even marrying into the clan.
5. I have an unusually low pain tolerance, but really enjoy pain. Of course, this applies mostly to controlled and small doses of pain.
6. I once went an entire week with a piece of glass stuck in my foot. It stopped hurting after a few hours. It never bled.
7. i dont have enough piercings. i have two in each ear, one in my tummy. i'm open to suggestions for new ones.
8. i have a cat whom i love more than anything. she fixes all of my pain.
9. i colour my hair. it took me years to be brave (and convincing) enough to try black. i might never go back.
10. i'm with the boy i've had a crush on since i was fifteen.
11. i hate monkeys, poodles, shietzus, and reptiles as pets.
12. i have an unreasonable horror of boats. not being on them, but near, beside, or touched by one. there is no answer for why.
13. i'm claustrophobic and despise clutter. nicknacks annoy me.
14. i was in army cadets for five years. at least a total of one of these was spent on a leave of absence. they really wanted me to stay. i was the only one who knew how to be nice, how to gain respect and not demand it, and how to handle learning disabilites and socially awkward children.
15. i used to be ultra-submissive. i dont know why. once i found a good place to enact this part of my personality, i discovered i'm able to be far more assertive than i used to be.
16. i tell really huge incredible lies very well. i cant tell white lies to save my skin.
17. i love corsets. if i could afford it, i would abandon bras and wear corsets all the time.
18. i'm a writer and a dancer, but not always in that order.
19. i undergrad in english with a minor in dance. i want to teach english and body conditioning at the national ballet school, at least for a while.
20. i'm very femme-y. i like being pretty, paraded, fawned over, wearing lace satin and pvc. i'm not a very good cook, but i can clean and make the best cookies, cakes, and pies.
21. i'm illogical. my thought patterns are unusual. it's difficult to understand me unless you know me. i write essays to cultivate the 'logic-and-organized-train-of-thought' skills.
22. i'm awful at being a girl. i dont really do hair, i dont cook, and if i had to choose between chocolate and sex, i'd totally choose sex.
23. i am not handy. i'm good with a drill and screwdrivers, but i'm useless with a staple gun, saws, or hammers. i dont fix things. but i can use various decorative carpentry tools, which is weird.
24. i'm very impressionable. i watch movies or read books with new philosophies and i immediately reexamine the way i think. i have a pretty stable base, but the orbiting ideas constantly change.
25. i'm a good christian, but not a very good catholic.
26. i have an overdeveloped sense of guilt. i was raised catholic. you do the math.
27. i often do simple math equations to remind me what life was like when everything was black and white.
28. very little makes me happier than a bubble bath with wine and cello suites.
29. calla lilies are my absolute favourite flower. i'd die for a real one. they're about 12$/stem, more than longstemmed roses. i enjoy daffodils and tulips and could get them for free from my neighbours gardens. but i dont. picking flowers seems somehow cruel.
30. i hate talking. i rue the telephone and relish in email. funny that jim loves to listen to me talk and everyone says i'm too quiet. i hate hearing myself. i'm annoying. i'd rather be quiet. some find this reticent or reclusive. i find it...me.
31. i have serious body image issues. i always think my ass is too big, my thighs too fat, my ribcage to small, my arms to skinny... but i have great breasts.
32. i am cosmically blessed. i should by all accounts be dead-hit by cars, raped in alleys, murdered, fallen off things, been crushed by things falling... i probably have a horde of angels following me around. i tend to walk into traffic down dark alleys by myself. might as well give these angels a run for their money.
33. somehow, things always work out. see above.
34. i love being sticky. not all over, but i love having fruit sticky fingers.
35. cleaning is my delight. i like to sweep, to mop, to dust. i enjoy folding laundry. i love cleaning bathrooms. i love the smell of bleach.
36. i absolutely hate doing dishes. i would rather clean a thousand toilets.
37. there is very little music i actually dislike. there are certain genres i enjoy more than others, but otherwise i'm pretty unbiased.
38. i like jon bon jovi. so sue me.
39. i also like evanescence. see above.
40. i used to have a friend who found herself unable to control her laughter whenever she saw someone fall down. i've never developed this interesting quirk, but i find i do tend to laugh at it. but i always make sure the faller is okay.
41. when i was little, i wanted to model only because my mother and aunts mentioned out loud that my legs arent very long so i could never model. i havent modelled. i'm not against it, but yes my legs are short. i've grown to accept this. sort of.
42. when i was in 5th grade, i lied about my career aspiration. i actually wanted to be a writer. but someone had already said it, so i said i wanted to be a ballerina. when i was 18, i wanted to be a ballerina. but i lied and said i wanted to be a writer. now i'm both and neither at the same time.
43. in second grade, my iq was tested. i didnt know that's what was going on. all i remember is that it seemed to me like a huge math test. they never tested my social/verbal skills. i never found out the results, but i think they were above average b/c my teachers just kept pushing me.
44. i'm jealous of everyone who is smarter than me.
45. i hate feeling stupid.
46. thanksgiving 2002, i visited my parents in windsor. while there, i visited my friend jon. we made out on his couch. what does this mean? i dont have any male friends that i have not at one time or another made out with.
47. i'm a literature snob.
48. i have had nothing but unusual jobs. i used to babysit people's pets. then i went to army camp (which isnt really a job, but they paid me). then i worked at an historical site (fort malden) where i dressed in costumes and baked cookies and talked about history. then i was a shooter girl at a karaoke bar. after that i spent a year working in a small winery labelling bottles, giving tours, and selling wine. then i sold jewelry at a kiosk at york. after that, i worked (and still do) at the Molson Amphitheatre serving food. then, i was a telemarketer for four days. then i was a geisha. then i promoted yogurt at a tennis tournament. now i proctor exams and tests for ppl with disabilites. next week i start waitressing. next month i'm a resident parent for the national ballet school. i know.
49. i once got my hair stuck in a label machine (see winery above). my hair was pink at the time. i called my aunt (my stylist etc) first to make an appointment. then i called my then-boyfriend to come and cut me out of it. i cried. it didnt hurt, but i really loved my hair.
50. i'm not techinically inclined. i only ever fix things by accident. my philosophy is "if it's already broken, i cant make it THAT much worse."
51. i dont own any orange clothing. i dont know why.
52. i dont eat meat. i cut back on beef in grade 5, then stopped eating it in gr.7. i gave up pork in gr.9, and chicken in my first year of university. eventually, i might stop eating fish. i eat it about once every few months when i feel i need protein.
53. i love dancing en pointe. it hurts a LOT but i love it.
54. my right leg is more flexible than my left.
55. my left leg is stronger than my right.
56. my left arch is SO much nicer than my right.
57. i have little to no idea what i want to do with my life. right now, i've picked a direction, but who knows how long i'll sail that way. my dad's kinda pissed. =)
58. i moved to TO and went to york for two reasons: 1. they had dance and 2. jim was here. does that make me sick?
59. i am absolutely retarded at learning long dance combinations and doing them in a short time.
60. i can memorize letters/words like nothing, but i learn them better in my own handwriting.
61. i have a literary memory instead of the photographic one everyone else seems to have. i cant describe things. i probably didnt even see it unless i thought it was important. it's kinda fun to have that sort of filter.
62. i dont own nearly enough underwear.
63. i bite my nails. it's disgusting and i hate it, but for some reason i just cant stop.
64. i hate having my ass slapped. i only know this cuz my roomie does it all the time. if i know you, and you start, i might kill you.
65. i have too many and not enough books.
66. i need a larger wardrobe.
67. as much as i like stuff, i'm not a materialist. if i could, i'd exist naked in a cardboard box. just gimme a pen.
68. i'm a giant contradiction.
69. i've never had a favourite song, colour, or holiday.
70. I've discovered that it's easier to be jealous of someone else's successes than to create your own, and that's sad.